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"No, I'm fine, I've got stuff to do anyway, but have fun," I said, turning round to get a drink in the kitchen. "Ok, well, if you change your mind we are leaving a little before 9," said Luke, as he and everyone else walked through and out to the pool. I got a glass of water and went up to my room, I painted my nails a baby pink and relaxed. I heard the boys leave at about 8:50, slamming the door behind them.Deciding I didn't want to be extremely tired the next morning, I got an early night's sleep. Changing from my shorts and top, I got into my pyjamas, and went to sleep. I was asleep for a few hours, but awoke to the front door slamming shut. I could hear them laughing and talking as they walked out to the pool, obviously deciding to go for a late night swim. I got up, because it was useless trying to sleep with the amount of noise they were making. I went downstairs, and walked outside to the pool, running my hand through my hair. "Hey," I said , "do you think you could quieten. Lizzi didn’t say much about what they had done but she confided that it meant more to Mike than to her and convinced me that I was acting like an idiot and sometimes a person has to be impetuous. Next thing I knew I was in bed with Mike and this time I didn’t run out. Sam, as I reread the pages I know that after that night with Mike I wasn’t going back to the person I was before that and I was glad. This was it. The deciding factor. No matter how much or how little the relationship with Mike or with Lizzi meant to them they had no idea what it meant to me. I know that Mike was just using me as a vehicle to get over Lizzi. But, reciprocity as it is, I was only using him to break away from home and Jason. Mike was a memorable lover. He was different. Mike held and caressed me and didn’t worry about my thinking he was strange if he did something he thought I’d like. Jason had been afraid of experimentation. With Mike I felt alive and free and totally out of control, not only in bed but.
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